Ask Matt Cook Archives

cuddling-couples-sex

 

I’ve reviewed your situation with Matt and he was wondering if you’d answer the following questions.

This will help him give you personalized advice for your situation.

1. when did your ED start? What led up to it?

2. do you view porn? Ever? How often?

No problem I don’t mind answering these questions.  Any other helpful tips you may have are very much appreciated.  I apologize in advance for the long letter but here it goes.

My ED started in 2006 to around 2007.  I am a bit fuzzy on the exact days but I really started noticing it in 2008.  Now to know what led to it would be a life changing event.  My wife was almost killed in a car accident back in 2004.  She did suffer some serious injuries that led to her having to retrain some physical movements and a few surgeries.  Although I do still question a possible PTSD, I am so glad she did not suffer a brain injury.

From then forward, I became her care taker.  Some symptoms of her injury are still present but, she is healing nicely.  With that life change came another.  My dad passed away at the young age of 60 back in 2006.  He had cancer of the lungs in stage 4.  This wonderful man fought for 9 months before the disease claimed his life.  I was overwhelmed with putting all his affairs in order so I can help my mother get back on track.

My job was demanding since I worked for a medical device company for 10 years.  I started in the individual contributor role and moved to a management position in 2005.  Everything was going great. In 2008/2007 the company tripled in size and that meant we had to deal with performance issues.  I had a lot of responsibility to turn things around.  A lot of corporate drama was going on.  There was everything from yelling, backstabbing and a lot of people questioning each other.  My  proposed plan was ignored and I was not feeling useful at that work environment.  I was understaffed so I had to overwork for 3 years.  My hours were deadly 70 hours to 80 hours a week.  I really was beat down and my marriage suffered. 

So in 2012 we picked up to come into the Florida environment.  We left the snow and grey skies that we were living in.  My wife moved to Florida earlier than myself since she found a job here.  I was transferred withing the company I had been with for 1 year.  The company was new 

In 2012, we moved to Florida to get away from the environment that we were in, well that, and the weather, I have snow and grey skies. So my wife got a new job in Florida, she moved down 6 months before I was able to transfer. I transferred within the company I had been with and for a year things seemed ok. It was a newly purchased company so the culture had not transferred yet. As people from other parts on the organization moved to the new place, the culture shifted and began to mimic what I experienced before.

 

At that point I had finally had enough and I moved to a new company. I had to go back to an individual contributor role but at least I was out of that place. After my wife’s accident, she had decided that she wanted to chage careers and she started to go back to school to become a doctor

 

…this is more relevant after I tell you that in 2008 we had our first child. So there were all kinds of things going on at that time. Shortly after giving birth, she had to travel again, every so often, for work and I took care of the child while she was gone.

 

So once we were in Florida, I was working, she was working and going to school…she got fired from her job about 10 months after she started at the new company…not her fault by the way (longer story).

 

So she ended up not going back to work and focused soley on school. At this point we have 2 houses (one we still need to sell but is at least currently being rented) half the income…etc. Things have stabilized a little from all of this chaos and we should be able to survive on one income.

 

SO, what led up to my ED? Stress…job, family loss, spouse, child…and after viewing your program, I believe porn has contributed too…that is my guess anyhow. Like I mentioned, I found out for sure in 2008 when I had blood in my semen (scared the hell out of me due to the possibility of cancer) and went to the urologist to get completely checked out only to find out that I had a Low T condition.

 

I spent the next 4 1/2 years trying to raise my levels to normal…this only happened last August 2012 after trying a variety of medications.

 

And as far as ED is concerned, sexual performance was obviously bad before 2008, that was just when I found out about the low T.

 

My wife now says that she was been trying to keep the marriage together through all of these years and she can’t do it anymore.

 

She is no longer attracted to me because of the sexual situation

 

. I told her that I was in no condition to do anything about it while I was trying to solve my low T problem and feeling that I was not a man at all (yes self-pitty mode happened too). So, to try and relieve my own stress I turned to porn and masturbation almost everyday because it became easier than dealing with the sexual issues.

 

We still tried to have sex but it started to get less and less, more and more failures, and she just cries at the thought of it these days.

 

I stopped porn usage 2 1/2 weeks ago. I have only had sex once during this time too (I gave into my hormones a week ago) during the discussion the other day Matt said it would be ok to have sex…but maybe not in my case.

What ever is required, I will do, to help me regain a good/great sex life. As far as I am concerned, this is the rest of our life we are talking about.

I forgot to mention that we are trying the cuddling too…but has only been over the last 5 days. Going slowly…mainly with some clothes on and not a lot of caressing, mainly just holding. Don’t know how this should progress…or if we are doing the right things

*********************************

If you need more details, just let me know.

~Stan

Stan, the cuddling is very very important.

Keep at it. Clothes on, off whatever.  It is incredibly valuable. If anything will bring your wife back to you (and nothing may, it is true) this will do it. The more the better. It is good for you and good for her. Nothing like it in the world. Even if you have to do it with clothes on, next to the TV, it beautiful-womanwill warm her and you up like nothing else.

 

On to the issue. You have porn-induced ED most probably at this point. Don’t listen to peopel who say age and medical situation will make you not function like a man. It is true only in rare cases. Most of it is due to desensitization.

 

Stop masturbation completely as far as you can.

 

Stop looking at porn. Stop looking at Facebook photos, Youtube pix of pretty girls, dating site photos, Craigslist personals, etc. All that stuff is bad for the brain’s pleasure center and needs to go.

 

Stop fantasy. Harder to do but very important. When fantasy strikes, try to cut it right off. There will be a 30 minute hormonal surge that you can expect and then that will end and you’ll feel okay. But those 30 minutes are dangerous in terms of getting tempted to masturbate or look at porn (and just looking counts!)

 

Sex with your woman is fine. A lot of men find it may slow their recovery down a bit. If you can have non-orgasmic intercourse that is ideal but it is difficult if you haven’t practiced. But this is real partner sex that you WANT your brain wired to. Just don’t try something that puts you into a “must perform” feeling — that is very counter-productive.

 

Expect to go through a “flatline” stage where your penis may look shriveled and you won’t care about sex at all. That can last several weeks or several months. Then it all comes roaring back — first morning erections, then spontaneous erections, and then you’re back in business.

 

warmly

 

Matt Cook–Matt Cook

premature-ejaculation

On one of your videos (Big Bang #4) you give two main reasons for PE.

1. Performance Anxiety

2. Regular Masturbation Habits. 

So, I’m looking for some clarifications since I have both challenges.  In the first scenario, I must confess, when I initially had sex, I was not nervous all but, the moment she went down on me, I could feel myself coming.  Even though I was not feeling nervous, perhaps I was but didn’t feel it.  So, just to continue on that point, when I stoke myself while focusing on my breathing, I can go for a bit before coming.  Meanwhile, my brain is going crazy saying that I must “stroke then ejaculate”.  It’s a pattern and I hate that switch in my brain that tells me these things. 

I happen to be 23 years old and I’ve had sex once but never kissed a girl.  I really get anxiety and nerves when I think of having relations with women.  When I hear the words blow job, sex, e.t.c, I get anxious.  I am not saying that I’m an ugly guy but, I don’t want to be cocky.  Okay I will say it: I am an attractive man and I do get a lot of interest from women.  I do feel that my youth is going to waste because I have this issue. 

Having this problem makes me fear going out there to be with women since I feel like my premature ejaculation will ruin it for me.  I know that holding back on sex can reduce my excitement and help center me.  I have also done those kegel exercises but I watched porn and that set me back in a big way.  My arousal levels were off the charts.  So I’m feeling that the kegel exercises were letting me down.  What is your take on reverse kegel exercises?

Perhaps I need to work on my mindset when it comes to sex because, the initial thing that comes to my mind is PE when I think sex.  I don’t think about the fun it’s going to be.  Can I get some insight on all the problems I’m having?  I really enjoy your advice and the time you take to help.  I have far many opportunities upcoming like summer, fall, winter and spring break.  I don’t want to keep missing out.  I wan to seize every valuable opportunity and my PE is standing there blocking the way. 

Thanks in Advance,

~Frank

Hi Frank, let me try to help.

Our brains, especially for people your age, have been greatly put out of balance by porn star expectations.

 

In porn, we are watching people in sexual acts. We are not participants. So our brains get wired to watching people have sex. And to the idea of a performance because that’s what we’re used to seeing. It is totally understandable.

 

avoidIt isn’t your fault at all. You are a victim of today’s high speed porn culture. In technical terms, your brain’s pleasure center is more wired to porn than anything else, and so three dimensional partner sex is a bit out there for the brain. This is not “just in your head” either — it is a physical issue of neuronal pathways that a brain scan could reveal.

 

The solution has been documented and tested and I’ve worked with many guys on this. It’s pretty much like this. Best to go on a no-masturbation, no-porn diet for awhile. And no fantasy either. This seems to be the best thing especially for young guys. You move your eyes away when you see a sexy image. You avoid surfing Facebook, Youtube, dating sites. When you catch yourself fantasizing about sex you use a variety of techniques — distraction of different kinds — to move onto something else and wait the 30 minutes while the horny stage passes (hormonal surge lasts about 30 minutes after a 3 – 5 second sexual fantasy.) You don’t have to be perfect of course, but the better you do this, the quicker it works.

 

When you stop masturbation and porn at first, you can expect to be very horny for a few days or a week, then go through a “dead dick” period which we call flat-lining. Your penis may seem to shrink and be lifeless. Sometimes this lasts several months. But guys always move out of it. It makes rebooting much easier, it is a gift really.

 

Because at this point you will lose sexual interest so avoiding masturbation, porn and fantasy are easy.

Plus you may have sleep difficulties, concentration problems, headaches, flu like symptoms sometimes.

 

Then things come back, WAY back. You’ll feel great, and quite horny. And you’ll exude a confidence with women that they will sense and you’ll find it much more fun to interact with women and not feel like sex is a performance issue. What may be happening is you are putting our pheromones. Nobody really knows, but all guys get this. And your confidence goes through the roof.

 

That’s rebooting.  But now is the second part of the process — you now have to rewire, lay down new neuronal circuits around real women and real sex, the neurons you don’t yet have laid down in your brain.

 

So here is the important part at this rewiring point — you WILL end up kissing a girl quite soon, probably, and taking her home and having sex. But the big mistake is continuing your porn star expectations.

 

premature-ejaculationThe best thing is to not put yourself into a performance mode. I know this may sound contrary to what people do today, but you have to consider that this is your entire life we’re talking about, and most things people think are right, are wrong. Dead wrong.

 

So I strongly suggest instead of trying an instant hookup, you cuddle, snuggle, tell her you want to take things a bit slow. If you want you can say “I just put myself on a no porn diet and I prefer to go a little slow for a bit so my brain can get adjusted.” Or you can say “I like you and I want to give us a chance in case we decide to become a couple at some point. So I prefer no sex tonight, but I do want to snuggle, and smell you and drink you in.”

 

Whatever you want to say, you should spend the night a few times without having sex. Everything but. I know it’s difficult. I know that. It may not happen perfectly. But that’s the aim here.

 

Why? Because this takes all performance pressure off. And more than anything else, this will cause your Oxytocin to skyrocket and you will stop stressing out and won’t be in performance mode. Oxytocin really is amazing for erections, for good feelings and for feeling relaxed and confident. And the Oxytocin is created when you do this cuddling stuff.

 

Then you’ll find it quite easy and natural to slip your penis into her wet pussy and you’ll last a long time as you’ve been practicing focus on your root. It will be like nothing to it. And you’ll have great fun getting her to go down on you, and having her show you how she likes you to go down on her. And away you go.

 

So that’s my suggestion for you. And yes I’ve heard of reverse kegels, if you practice those it’s like you are forcing out a bowel movement and urine but they aren’t necessary. Not at all.

The key is mindset here. And the above will actually make physical changes to your brain that you need for a lifetime of amazing sexual pleasure.

 

When I lie down with a woman, I do so with the intention of cuddling and snuggling and seeing what may happen. My penis will become erect, or it won’t. I don’t care either way. And she may get wet, or she won’t. And we can always use lube and do soft entry if we want. My penis always seems to get hard but I know it has a mind of its own and I just relax and focus on my root and on the smells and sensations and just see what develops.

 

But that way, there is no performance at all. And it is always a pleasure. In fact, this becomes an amazing sensation feast that I never experienced before when I too had those porn star expectations.

Oxytocin and this type of focus on your root creates a new world of pleasure that people on the conventional track can never dream of.

Recently, I put together a complete training on premature ejaculation and using my advanced system that builds Oxytocin to get rid of it. I found in particular one solo exercise that really helps get rid of it. Watch this video for help with premature ejaculation and to try out the new course on a 60 day trial.

 

Warmly

 

Matt Cook–Matt Cook

annoyed-sex-life

First and foremost, I am so happy to find this course.  I really have severe ED and I happen to be overweight.  I know that I need to loose this excess pounds and that would help.  I thought I was doomed till I found all the help you’re giving away.

I have a question for you….

I have been a married man for 32 years now and have a loving wife.  With that said, my wife doesn’t want to help me out.  I have been using porn for awhile and I’m seeing the consequences of that.  My ED is worse along with my weight.  But now, I can somewhat get an erection and others I can not get an erection at all. I am still making progress with the course but it’s a long way to go. 

So here it goes…while I am still making progress with the course, should I abstain from sex until I finish the course? What about masturbating? I do think of it often but do it once a week.  Should I stop?

~Connor

 

Hi Connor, I’m so glad you found us here. And congratulations. You are one of the men who are taking responsibility and figuring things out. Believe me, it gets better and better and you can look forward to a fantastic sex life for the rest of your life.

 

annoyed-sex-lifeThat’s what’s cool about guys our age. We can actually gain more sensitivity and more pleasure than ever before because we can kind of settle down and get into a great groove where we have sex for a long time, and very pleasurably, and frequently.

 

So here is what I suggest. I would stop all masturbation for sure. After you have made a good recovery you might re-introduce it. There are some solo activities we talk about in our courses for energy discharge but the BEST thing you can do is:

 

1. No masturbation and no porn

 

2. Spend 30 to 60 minutes a day cuddling with your wife, holding hands, staring into her eyes, physically being with her

 

3. No orgasms preferably even with your wife — although sex would be great if you can do stuff without having an orgasm. If not, an orgasm sometimes with your wife is okay, not nearly as important as the above two items.

 

The three things about build up the hormone Oxytocin and helps your brain recover MUCH faster.

 

erection-dysfunctionYou can expect to “flatline” for a period of time where you lose interest in sex, your penis may seem to recede a bit, you don’t have erections. But often with enough cuddling you won’t see these symptoms too bad or for too long. And everyone recovers from this, often in a few weeks or sometimes longer.

 

You’ll begin having morning erections and spontaneous erections again. And at that point your ED will be fading away for good.

 

I highly, highly recommend learning how to have long pleasurable sex without orgasm at this stage in life. It is an option that is wonderful to explore because you end up “ready” all the time, and it gives you wonderful feelings for your wife and for the world virtually all the time. It’s purely an option to explore, but many men feel it is the best thing that ever happened to them.

 

For now if you can penetrate (or do soft entry) and hang out with your wife, connected like that, without coming, it will move things along faster for you. You can get a bit more vigorous as things move along, and sometimes your wife will become more orgasmic and more engaged and begin to explore sexual space she’s never experienced before. It’s really cool and it’s not frustrating at all, which is what men assume. It is actually amazing and increases your sensitivity and pleasure.

 

warmly

 

Matt Cook–Matt Cook

medical-problems-sex

Hi Matt

I bought your program but, it was not what I was hoping for.  I am very certain that your information can help men last longer but, that was not my problem.  The main thing that led me to your product was my ED.  I wanted to get rid of this problem.  I happen to be a smoker of 52 years of age.  I am overweight with poor circulation.  I am in denial but, I know that loosing this weight and activating an exercise routine is going to be my path to help myself . I have lost 50lbs and on my way to quit this smoking habit.  I just need something extra to elevate my sexual life. 

I was thinking that, according to your promotions, this program would help me with that little extra but, the program is not synching with what I want.  It doesn’t dedicate itself to the subject that I was looking for.  It offers great help for lasting longer but, I don’t have that problem.  My wife is already satisfied with the way I last.

I believe my solution lies elsewhere and I’m glad you’re helping those people who have these kind of problems.  I would kindly ask for a refund.  I never return products but, I do feel that your program does not apply to me.

Thank you kindly,

~Neil

medical-problems-sexThanks for emailing me.

 

I do want to help as I have a lot of suggestions that have helped guys with ED so I am grateful you emailed me. You are the type of man who my programs are designed for.

 

I’ll take a stab in the dark here.

 

Do you use porn? If you do, you should consider that this is holding you back and often results in ED.

Even viewing porn without masturbation will affect many men’s brains and can result in ED.

 

Lasting “too long” is called delayed ejaculation and is one of the many symptoms of desensitization that can come from porn use.

 

There are many causes for desensitization, the biggest of which is porn use but health issues can be one, side effects of medication another.

 

erectile-problemsIf you can stop porn and stop masturbation entirely for awhile, the brain resets itself and the often the ED gets better and then goes away completely.

 

If you do not use porn at all, then even stopping masturbation for awhile can be very helpful in stopping ED because it will restore your natural sensitivity.

 

Please let me know what I can do to help or any other questions. I really want to be able to help you and if my product missed the mark, I’d like to fix that.

 

Warmly

 

Matt Cook–Matt Cook

 


My answer

Hi David!

 

Your refund has been processed.

I’m sorry that the program wasn’t what you were

hoping for. We’ve had many, many men that it’s really

helped.

 

And I’m so glad you wrote. We really value our

customer feedback and we appreciate that you took the

time to let us know why you were not happy with

the program.

 

Congratulations on losing weight and quitting smoking. They

are fantastic steps!

 

Thanks!

Heather Hallman

wife-sex-problems

Hi Matt,

For the video intro to your product, you discuss about the possibility of getting the wife involved. You reveal that this involvement can be either public or private.  I have no problem with starting it all at the private level.  I really want to make this work by involving my wife but how do I convince her it’s a benefit to the both of us?
By the way, I have done the trial and error thing when it comes to “curing” by ED.

This ED issue has been with me for 5 years and counting.  It all comes down to life’s stress and having low T.  My search to finding a solution for my low T took me 10 years of various delivery methods.  This last year I found something that helps me keep my levels of T a bit higher than before.  But now I have a bigger problem, my wife is not interested in having sex with me. This denial has led me to have anxiety, worry and doubt about my abilities.  This self doubt further worsens my ED.

 I am able to stay really hard for 15 to 20 minutes on the regular now.  But, here is the problem, when the magical hour comes and I’m ready to have sex with her, something halts my progress.  It’s like a sudden switch.  HELP! 

15 or 20 minutes were sufficient enough to make her have an orgasm before.  From there we would dive back again and have multiple orgasms. Now the time she needs to climax is longer since she needs some relaxation and a mood to set her up.  As this time passes, I start to think that I’m doing something wrong and I fail again. I really want our sex life back to the passion we used to have.  My wife is not happy in the bedroom.  She really is my world and this sexual frustration is a bump on the marriage we have.  Things look depressing.  I did purchase your product and started watching the whole thing today.  My invoice is 5605.  Any help you can give me will save me.

~Nicolas

—–

Nicolas, before I get to answer your question, do me a favor if you get a chance.  I’d be very interested in hearing what you ended up doing with your T levels. How you discovered the low levels, what you tried, and what ended up working. I’ll share that anonymously with other men who will be super interested.

 

wife-oceanOkay, so let’s move to your question.

 

First thing is to begin a lot of bonding behaviors with your wife. That means a lot of snuggling, cuddling, hand holding. Skin on skin contact is best. This builds up Oxytocin in both her brain and yours, and brings you two unimaginably closer.

 

It’s best not to have orgasms at all during the first few weeks of this. If you can. Actually it creates a whole new world of loving feelings even if she is turned off to you, and even if she has one foot out the door.

 

This is THE MOST critical thing you can do in your relationship. It sounds so simple, and it is, but after you start it, it will truly change your whole world.

During this time if you can avoid masturbation, that is a huge plus. Men do often go into a low libido period (often called the “dead dick” period) after they stop having orgasms for awhile, but the libido rebuilds quickly with the snuggling. That’s because snuggling builds Oxytocin, and Oxytocin helps erections last longer and come more easily.

 

wifeSecond thing to do when you start having sex with your wife (it’s best to do a lot of snuggling and not have orgasms the first two weeks if possible) is to NOT focus on having an orgasm. In fact it’s best to avoid orgasm altogether for a bit.

 

This does three things. One, is it starts re-sensitizing you and your wife to amazing feelings and sensations that you’ve been missing. Two, it lets you last much longer and get much more pleasure. Third, it removes performance anxiety. Because you aren’t trying to “get somewhere.” When you are trying hard to reach Orgasm-ville, sex is a “try to get here and if you don’t get there, you’ve failed”. Without that as a goal, sex becomes “get pleasure and have pleasure” so you are already a winner.

 

This is super relaxing to her and you. What most men don’t get is that women get performance anxiety also. They get anxious about pleasing you if they don’t have an orgasm. So without trying for orgasm, the funny thing is, often women will have more orgasms and easier orgasms.

 

I think this will help. Let me know any other questions or follow ups.

warmly

Matt Cook–Matt Cook

wife-sexual-problems

Hey Matt, 

Should I explain all this program stuff to my wife or would you recommend more subtle suggestions? If I decide to come out and explain it, what would you say is the best approach?  I really thank you for your help and I am excited to see if this works!

~Damien


Kevin, I would explain things to my wife. That’s what I did in fact. I stopped masturbating and stopped using porn and discussed things with my wife. She was very surprised and not that happy about it.

wife-sexual-problemsShe wasn’t happy that she would be fulfilling all my sexual needs. That scared her.

 

But we started the bonding behaviors, the cuddling and all of that, and lots of intercourse, and our love for each other and our relationship has never been better (it was always good but got much much better.)

 

I’m not sure exactly what in your case you feel you need to explain. You could simply say “I have researched my ED issues and the issues of our losing interest in each other. Would you be willing to try something new for three weeks?”

 

Then try to get her to agree to 30 minutes of cuddling every morning or at night before bedtime or both. Try not to turn it into sex even if you get aroused.

 

Just try this for a week and it’s a different world.

Warmly

Matt Cook–Matt Cook

Who would you happen to be? Can I get a little info about you.  Since you said you are not a doctor, I would appreciate some background.  I am also unable to find you on Google.I do understand that you sell written instructions but, do you mind sharing your qualifications?  I would love for your instructions to be as great as you say they are.  However, I do see a lot of well written advertising copy.  Are you able to give any verifiable stats? Have you joined any proffessional organizations? So what is your whole deal on here? I just need to know if I can rely upon the guarantee that you offer

Thank you,

Jeremy

 

Matt CookHey Jeremy,

Matt Cook Is all over the web. I don’t know how you Googled my name but you didn’t find me obviously. I found 59 million mentions when I just Googled it.

I have no verifiable stats. I have no interest in joining organizations. The only interest I have is to get men to fix their ED or premature ejaculation and have a great sex life. Continue with whatever is working so well for you. You don’t need to “risk” $37 on someone like me.

 

Warmly

–Matt Cook

sexual-dysfunction

How do you focus on the feeling of the root? And when you do what exactly are you thinking about? And starting the exercises, the “solo” exercises if Im not mistaken is pretty much narrowed down to masturbating with no intention of orgasm and light strokes for 15 minutes with lotion or (fleshlight) while working on breathing? And thats it?

Focusing on the root takes practice. You can sit in a chair, starting with a hard chair, tighten your PC muscle as if you were trying not to pee, and feel the muscle. Now relax it. Now focus all your attention inside in that area.

~Ronald

 

sexual-dysfunctionDon’t try to look at it in your mind’s eye. Feel it. And when your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your root and focusing on it.

Thoughts come in but they should be gently observed, and then you focus your attention back on your root. It is this process of continually re-focusing on your root that trains your mind and builds your sensitivity back up.

 

When you masturbate to sensation, you can focus on your root as well and play with the sexual energy. When you focus on your root with all your attention, something happens to your pleasure. You actually feel much more sensation as long as you maintain your focus on your root. You feel the sensation and can draw it into your whole body, while focusing on your root. It can give you amazing pleasure.

 

If you are having partner sex you can do the same thing.

Make sure to keep breathing (nose breathing is best) and you will last and last, and pleasure will be incredible.

Warmly

 

Matt Cook–Matt Cook

Hello Matt: To make a long story short, cuddling has not done the trick for me like I was hopping it would.  My girl said she doesn’t get any feelings stirring when we do. This is based on a couple of weeks of trial and error.  We are almost giving it up.  I am currently just doing non sexual things with my girlfriend and may re-try cudding in a few weeks.  For now, we are both on a cuddle timeout. 

There are two major concerns that have arisen and your input would be much appreciated.

1. The first one is that my girlfriend wants to take a trip to a clothing optional resort and they have a theme party this Saturday.  She was concerned if this would interfere with the program.  I responded that it would not since I will be around real people not porn fantasies.  I would still love to have adult adventure if that is possible.  So now that you know that, I also want to report that it has been 5 weeks since my last porn and masturbation session.  I have been exposed to some nudity on film and dating sites graphics but I never used either for arousal purposes. In addition, I have not given myself enough time to get an erection from the images.  I’ve been avoiding that.

What is your take on this party? Is it going to hinder my progress if I go? I know that in the end I have to make the final decision but your opinion is highly valued.

2. The second one is that my girlfriend says I am lousy in bed even without the erection problem.  I do understand where she’s coming from but, I also have my own input on the why.  In those 5 years that I was worried about my erection misery,  I was not as focused to keep my performance game up.  I was always conscious about giving her orgasms.  My anxiety led me into bigger problems and I turned to masturbation and porn.

 

I feel really great and I’m not attempting to reboot.  I just want to say that I am currently sexless as my girlfriend has lost the urge to experiment.

I tried a former program from an email I got.  In that program they released a brand new series that contains live professionals teaching you sex techniques.  

 

I am at the point where I want to learn new thing not with experimentation though.  I just need to be able to to walk into the bedroom and deliver a mind-blowing sex session to my lady.  I will not be viewing this material like a porno but more of a learning session.  I will not be aroused neither will I masturbate.  Do you think these new video series will be a great way for me to immerse myself into new sex techniques?  I really need this help and I’m desperate.

~Darrell

 

Hi Darrell,

Sorry the cuddling hasn’t worked out. If possible keep at it. Another week can be super helpful but if it isn’t happening, it may not happen. It’s really, really important not to turn cuddling into sex. Us guys are hungry for sex sometimes and our brains are wiley and try to manipulate the cuddling into sex. It’s natural but we have to not let ourselves go that way. Our women see through that so fast, and then it’s another “hungry/needy” behavior that turns them off of us.

 

sexy-womanSo try to keep cuddling, and just cuddling. Even cuddling clothed while watching TV is really great for this reason among others.

5 weeks without porn and masturbation, wow! You are doing awesome. That is spectacular. Watch those dating sites and such, as even viewing different girls tends to set the dopamine train in motion.

Are you getting morning erections and spontaneous erections? Guys with ED recovery find that this is the first step to knowing they’ve recovered. But avoiding any sort of stimulation, fantasy, is KEY to continuing progress. That is the one thing that can stop recovery in its tracks so easily. It will all be okay in time, but you want it to be okay soonest, and not do anything that will slow it down…

 

The clothing-optional experience sounds like fun. Why not? It is wiring to two dimensional pixels that you want to avoid. That’s real people, that could be great.

I think I know the series you mean. It’s great stuff. It might be nice. But I would wait. It is going to trigger dopamine regardless and it is not a good idea right now. I am concerned that you don’t put yourself into a “must perform” mindset though. That can be a lot of pressure which you don’t need right now.

 

As for being really bad in bed, you are focusing on her pleasure and very wound up about it, and that’s natural. However, it is precisely that focus that takes you out of yourself. It makes guys into really bad lovers when they worry about their partner. It is weird how that works totally the opposite of what we think as guys. I mean, we want to make it good for them, so we work at that. But this drives women away and makes us bad lovers.

 

A good lover has one thing: confidence. Women love confidence. You have to rebuild that and you can’t do it worrying all the time about her.

So am I suggesting you sit back and just be selfish and let her do all the work? No of course not.

 

But your wife sounds pretty burnt out right now and you are trying to make her happy and that could be part of the issue right now.

porn-sex-lifeThe more you try, the more you actually cause her to pull back, quite often.  By being more centered on yourself and on your own pleasure, you take pressure off of her. Play with that idea.

 

Now, on to being better in bed.

Maybe you can ask her what she wants? Also if your wife will masturbate and show you how she likes that, this helps a lot.

 

Besides that, I like to do it this way. We’re both naked and I start down there, and she says simply “higher, lower, left, right, harder, softer” and that’s it. Nothing else. No judgments, just those. And then I focus on delivering and I learn a lot about what she likes and what she wants.

 

I mean, really, none of this is a matter technique at this point. It’s more about you and she re-connecting. Finding that that brought you together in the first place. And avoiding the whole “I must please her” idea which really backfires, even though it seems logical and as a guy I totally understand because I was there plenty of times.

 

But these days, I focus on my pleasure and my body and my root, and that works way better for guys than focusing on their partner. It’s like night and day.

 

Warmly

 

Matt Cook–Matt Cook

older-men-erection

I happen to have MS and I’m a widow at 71.  I’m unable to give Cunnilingus to my lady.  I can neither give penetrative sex nor cunnilingus to my lady.  It’s so hard for me to keep an erection going and equally as hard to masturbate.  You may think that I should try Viagra but, I’ve been there done that and it did not work. 

I am a pensioner and I get around with the help of a walking stick and a wheelchair.  Due to my pensioner status, I must be careful with my funds as they are limited.  Before my wife passed, she made me promise her that I would look for a partner.  She wanted to make sure I won’t be alone.  With that said, I am very interested to harness my love making skills so I can last longer and perform in the best way possible.  This is why your program interests me.

Regardless of my MS medical condition, I am still able to give my lady friends orgasms and even multiple orgasms at times.  I use some dirty talk and my fingers to do the magic.  I would love to get some honest feedback since I have limited funds.

~Adam

Hi Alfred, Matt Cook here.

I had to think about this a bit (and we have a lot of new students) so sorry for the late response.

older-men-erectionYour late wife sounds like a lovely person. Let’s honor her memory by getting you back into action.

 

I actually think you can benefit tremendously by what we teach. Especially our course Thirty Minutes or More where we teach a lot including oral sex skills, and avoiding ejaculation so you can last a lot longer.

Also we teach something called soft entry. It lets any man enter a woman and give her enjoyment and get great pleasure even without an erection.

The system we teach will help you get more sensitivity back and you’ll feel more and have more control.

Warmly

Matt Cook–Matt Cook

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